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Astagfirullah, Saya Ternyata Nella Lovers’

 

Melki AS[Pegiat Social Movement Institute]

***

Kalau ada yang bertanya siapa perempuan paling populer tahun ini. Tentu jawabannya bukan Megawati, Dian Sastro apalagi Roro Fitria. Ia adalah Nella Kharisma.

Sekali lagi Nella Kharisma. Entah sudah berapa kali saya melihatnya secara virtual. Tetap saja asyik. Apalagi jaran goyang.

Video Jaran goyang benar-benar menghebohkan jagad peryutuban tanah air. Bayangkan, kalau di kalkulasikan dengan jumlah seluruh penduduk Indonesia saat ini, jaran goyang Nella Kharisma diintip oleh saparuh dari populasi masyarakat kita.

Bulan lalu viewernya 144 juta. Hari ini bahkan sudah mencapai 146 juta. Penambahan yang sangat fantastik dalam waktu sebulan. Dan ini sangat tidak pernah terjadi dengan pendatang baru jagad hiburan tanah air. Sebut saja Zaskia Gothik, Via Vallen apalagi anak-anak Bunda Elvi. Hehe…

Nella adalah Diva Indonesia sesungguhnya.

Melihat popularitasnya yang semakin tancap gas, bukan tidak mungkin Nella Kharisma akan menyalip semua pesohor seperti Ahmad Dhani, Agnes Mo dan politisi-politisi tanpa tulang belakang macam Anang, apalagi Eko Patrio dan lain-lain.

Saya pikir popularitas video Nella Kharisma tidak akan tersaingi oleh video apapun dalam dua tahun kedepan. Warkop DKI Reborn lewat. Kuntilanak lewat. Pengabdi Setan lewat. Suster Ngesot? Halah… mainnya saja susah, apalagi untuk di tonton. Sudah bisa dipastikan tak akan dilirik viewer seganas dan sebuas jaran goyang. Alih-alih Wiro Sableng. Baru bisa mengejar kalau Wiro nya sudah Waras. Tanpa itu, say no to fun !

Nella Kharisma benar-benar membawa rasa kampungan mampu bersaing di semua lini; hiburan, bisnis bahkan politik. Cuma ada satu hal yang harus dihindarinya, yaitu jangan sampai jatuh pada rayuan Cak Imin. Bisa bernasib sama seperti bang haji. Habis manis, raja dangdut di buang.

Kalau seandainya Nella Kharisma ikut mencalonkan diri sebagai gubernur Jawa Timur, Nella Lovers adalah mesin utama. Dengan atau tanpa pasangan.

Kalau pilkada tersebut di gelar hari ini atau lusa, Gus Ipul dan Khofifah pasti akan stress berat. Malam menjelang pemilihan mereka akan blusukan ke apotik-apotik terdekat untuk sekedar mencari albotil dan parasetamol. Besoknya pasti datang ke klinik hipnoterapi.

Tapi untungnya, Nella masih bisa dibujuk untuk mengemban tugas yang lebih mulia sebagai ketua pemandu cirlider untuk satu suara ‘hak e hak e… hak e hak e.. hak e hak e’.

Nella juga tidak perlu memamerkan kemulusan sampai ke pangkal-pangkal pahanya untuk mendongkrak popularitas. Ia juga tidak perlu menonjol-nonjolkan buah dadanya sampai meluber-luber, sampai hampir keluar dari cangkangnya, hanya untuk mendapat popularitas seperti hari ini. Lihat saja video-videonya. Ia tampil dengan rapi. Bahkan kadang kelihatan unyu-unyu kalau sedang mengenakan topi dan kacamata.

Mungkin Nella tidak kepikiran kalau ia akan jadi selebritis paling wahid sekarang ini. Dimana teknologi dengan cepat mengantarkan popularitasnya bak kantong ajaib Doraemon; buka pintu kemana saja, maka kamu akan berada ditempat mana saja yang diinginkan.

‘Godaan menjadi selebriti nomer wahid itu berat Nel. Tapi yakinlah kamu kuat. Kamu tidak akan butuh aku’. Pidi Baiq mungkin akan membuat quote itu seandainya ia kenal lebih dulu dengan Nella Kharisma. Bukan dengan Milea.

Sekarang saatnya untuk menggandeng Nella Kharisma. Apapun caranya. Kalau tidak bisa dikiirim pesan melalui pesbuknya, gunakan jasa MCA untuk menghacker medsosnya. Kalau tetap tidak bisa juga, maka lakukan dengan operasi intelejen. Biar operasi intelijen itu tidak hanya bisa menangkap aktivis-aktivis kemanusiaan saja.

Yusuf Mansyur mungkin sudah kepikiran untuk menggandeng Nella. Lumayan kan, bisa membuat gerai baru ‘Ayam Goyang Halal’ dengan Nella sebagai pemeran iklannya. Cuma ia perlu dipandu untuk akting seperti sedang ber-adegan makan ayam sambil acungkan jempol dan berkata; ‘ini ayamku, bismillah aseli kampung’. Pasti laris manis tanjung kimpul, tadz. Asal jangan di dekat-dekatkan dengan Arifin Ilham. Bisa-bisa ditelikung di tengah jalan. Bisa-bisa masuk urutan ke empat setelah putri Aceh, putri Yaman, putri Sunda, baru setelah itu putri Jawa Timur.

Saya pikir tahun ini Nella Kharisma patut diganjar MURI oleh ahli kelirumologi Jaya Suprana. Atau minimal ‘Most Popular Girl Award’ atas video jaran goyangnya. Masa Dhawiya Sukaesih. Pokoknya saya tetap dukung Nella.

Saya Indonesia, Saya Nella Kharisma, Titik !!.

 

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