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Fakultas Hukum, BUBARLAH !

Melki AS – [Pegiat Social Movement Institute]

 

Dunia Politik Punya Hukum Sendiri/Colong Sana Colong Sini Atau Colong Colongan/Seperti Orang Nyolong Mangga/Kalau Nggak Nyolong Nggak Asik.

Dunia Politik Dunia Bintang/Dunia Pesta Pora Para Binatang/Asik Nggak Asik.

***

Kasus tabrakkan maut yang menewaskan tukang ojek dengan salah satu anggota dewan perwakilan rakayat daerah (DPRD) di Maluku menjadi sebuah catatan penting bagi ingatan dan hukum kita. Bukan tentang kecelakaannya, tetapi produk hukum perundang-undang kitalah yang menjadi teramat sangat menarik untuk digunjingkan. What is that? Apalagi kalau bukan UU MD3. Undang-undang yang menegasikan pada kita semua hari ini bahwa ternyata ‘sama kedudukan dalam hukum itu adalah cerita dari negeri dongeng, negerinya Nirmala dan para kurcaci-kurcacinya’. Hahhhh…!!!

Tapi ini mungkin pencapaian terbesar yang dilakukan oleh dewan perwakilan rakyat kita. Dari semua produk hukum, tidak ada ‘kesaktian’ yang paling ampuh selain UU MD3. Yaitu anggota dewan punya kekebalan hukum, alih-alih untuk melindungi diri mereka dari jeratan hukum seperti korupsi yang teramat sangat biasa dan sering dilakukan. Dengan adanya UU MD3 ini, mereka punya tameng kuat untuk menghindar dari pemeriksaan kepolisian, pemeriksaan KPK dan sebagainya. Hidup anggota dewan. (mari kita beri tepuk tangan yang meriah pemirsah)

Dengan adanya UU MD3, anggota dewan perwakilan rakyat pelan tapi pasti bertransformasi menjadi raja yang menggengam hukum itu sendiri. Rasanya tidak ada yang paling benar selain apa yang dikatakan, diperbuat atau dilakukan mereka. Tamengnya adalah Mahkamah Kehormatan Dewan (MKD). Yang notabenennya itu adalah anggota dan kolega mereka sendiri. Semua partai senang dengan MD3 ini. Yang tadinya lawan, sekarang menjadi kawan semua. Mungkin besok yel-yel mahasiswa harus diganti juga. Dari yang biasanya ‘mahasiswa bersatu tak bisa dikalahkan’ diganti menjadi ‘MPR, DPR, DPRD, DPD bersatu, korupsi tak bisa dikalahkan’.

UU MD3 adalah ironi di negeri hukum, alih-alh cerita lucu nan konyol yang tidak masuk akal. Dibuat oleh orang yang tidak masuk akal dan di sah-kan secara hukum oleh orang itu lagi. Dan gilanya, seluruh rakyat dipaksa menelan dan mengamini produk kekonyolan tersebut. Lalu apa yang harus kita lakukan? Tunggu guys, ada beberapa yang harus kamu ketahui semenjak adanya UU MD3. Mnimal lima item. Hehe..

Yang number wahid, kita harus menutup semua kampus atau fakultas hukum yang ada di Indonesia. Karena sudah tidak ada gunanya dan tidak ada artinya lagi pengajaran hukum, apapun materinya, kalau ternyata praktiknya sepihak. Kalau dahulu praktik sepihak karena hukum bisa dibeli. Tapi hari ini, keberpihakan tersebut bahkan sudah terang dan nyata. Dan ini benar-benar membuat kita dihadapkan pada situasi yang sangat tidak masuk akal. Itulah MD3. Atau kalau mau bertahan, kampus hukum sebaiknya mengganti material pengajaran menjadi Hukum Cinta.

Number Two, KPK harus bubar. Karena, [percayalah bahwa] tidak akan mungkin sesama anggota dewan akan menyerahkan teman sejawatnya untuk diperiksa kasus korupsinya. Itu yang menjadikan lembaga anti rasuah ini tidak berguna lagi. Bahkan kedepannya KPK ganti saja namanya menjadi KPP; Komisi Pemeriksan Perasaan, kalau tetap ingin bertahan. Disini banyak yang akan menjadi klien dengan tulus ikhlas.

Ketiga, pihak kepolisian jangan main ‘galak’ lagi dengan anggota dewan. Apalagi mau main tangkap-tangkap saja. Bisa-bisa kena jerat hukum balik. Urusan kriminal atau tindak pidana, terutama yang menyangkut anggota dewan, kepolisian harus banyak konsultasi ke DPR. Dan apa yang dikatakan DPR, maka itulah hukum kebenaran sejati.

Yang ke Ampek (ini dalam versi Padang), sebainya ICW dan beberapa lembaga yang konsen pada pengentasan kasus korupsi, berubah menjadi sepasukan cheer. Karena sekeras apapun teriakan tersebut, semakin tidak didengar lagi. Wong sebelum adanya UU MD3, hal tersebut sering tidak di dengar, apalagi setelah ada UU MD3, bisa-bisa DPR DPRD dan sejenisnya akan teriak balik ‘ kami adalah khafilah yang berlalu, kamu adalah a***ng nya’.

Dan Kelima, mungkin bisa jadi apa yang dikatakan Prabowo tentang Indonesia bubar bisa menjadi kenyataan. Karena apa? Karena memang kehidupan kita hari ini sepertinya berada di tubir jurang kebodohan massal. Bahkan bubarnya bisa lebih cepat, paling tinggal dua setengah tahun lagi. Karena setelah UU MD3 jadi produk hukum, otak kita kemudian penuh dengan kepalsuan. Hidup kita pun juga palsu. Sama palsunya dengan mitos ‘sama kedudukan hukum’. Hehe…

Keenam sebagai tambahan, sebagai penutup, sampai jumpa di artikel berikutnya. Akan ada banyak hal yang harus kamu ketahui dan lakukan pasca MD3. Bisa jadi kamu harus menjadi revolusioner dengan mengebom DPR, DPRD dan sejenisnya disaat mereka semua pada kumpul dan lagi rapat. Jadi setelah itu, baru kita cuci ulang MPR, DPR, DPRD, DPD tersebut Yang lama buang di septikteng dan siram dengan air yang banyak biar luruh sampai ke lubang terdalam yang kuning.

 

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