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Bersatulah Janggut Proletar Seluruh Dunia!

NalarNaluri – [Pegiat Social Movement Institute]

 

: sebuah anekdot di siang hari menuju sore
***
Kemarin Afghanistan meninggalkan cerita tentang kaum Jihadisnya.
Dahulu Rusia meledakkan revolusi melawan Tsar, dari Bolshevik dan para Konstradt.
Dan yang paling anyar ialah para militan berperang di Suriah juga Palestina.

Kenangan pada masa perang itulah yang kini membekas bagi para kombatan dan mantan kombatan. Ketika mereka di pertemukan pada sebuah Gala Dinner, yang diadakan oleh Majelis Perdamaian (MP) yang disponsori oleh Presiden Adidaya pada peringatan perdamaian dunia.

Maka, di sebuah meja makan bundar terlihat beberapa pemuda yang berjanggut terdiri dari; Jihadis Islam, perwakilan Bolshevik, seorang Anarkis, dan Seorang Rabbi yang melawan kekuasaan Netanyahu.

Makan malam berlangsung khidmat dan penuh candaan, meski rasa lapar kian merongrong ketika melihat kudapan di atas meja, namun mereka tetap sepakat untuk tidak membawa masuk senjata ke Gala Dinner tersebut.

Sang Jihadis kemudian membuka doa sebelum makan dengan membaca bismillah, pemuda Bolshevik dan Anarkis terlihat langsung mengunyah santapan tanpa berdoa, pada Rabbi terlihat komatkamitnya memanjatkan doa.

Makan malam tersebut berjalan pelan dan liris, tiba-tiba sang Jihadis tersadar ada sesuatu yang ganjil, mungkinkah ini terjadi secara kebetulan. Dia melihat ada keseragaman diantara mereka; “janggut yang rimbun terjulur”.

Tak lama, pemuda Jihadis pun menyeru ditengah-tengah acara; “Alhamdulillah, akhirnya kalian semua yang ada disini sedikit demi sedikit telah mengikuti sunah rasul”

Sontak semua mata peserta Gala Dinner terperangah, tertuju pada pemuda Jihadis dengan penuh keheranan.

“alasannya apa wahai pemuda Jihad” mantan pejuang Bolshevik bertanya bingung.

“Ya, alasannya apa?” pertanyaan menggema serentak dari semua peserta.

“Karena kita semua disini  berjanggut, Rasulullah telah mewarisi tauladan itu, dan kini ada ribuan malaikat yang bergelantungan pada rambut dagumu”

“O…tapi Karl Marx juga berjanggut loh, Charles Darwin berjanggut, dan Yesus juga berjanggut” Bolshevik coba menjelaskan lebih banyak

“dan Kropotkin juga” seorang Anarkis menambahkan

“Musa yang lebih dahulu” tambah Rabbi dari sudut yang paling pojok.

“dari mana pun itu, janggut yang kalian pelihara adalah bagian dari kemuliaan” Jihadis coba meyakinkan.

“apa yang lebih penting dari mentauladani tokoh yang kita kagumi?” seloroh Anarkis.

“wahai engkau Jihadis bukankah kau kemarin kulihat meninggalkan anak istri dan keluargamu dalam kelaparan? sementara kau berperang dengan begitu semangat” Bolshevik pun bertanya dengan penuh semangat.

“Oh iya, tapi aku berperang demi Tuhan, Agama dan panji Rasulullah, dan anak istriku telah dilindungi tuhan”

“Tapi bukanya kau juga telah membunuh  banyak manusia yang tak bersalah, wahai Bolshevik?”

Kemudian Rabbi berbicara dengan bergetar.
“Yang lebih penting itu adalah melawan keserakahan kekuasan Netanyahu, yang dibantu Amerika (adikuasa), yang mencaplok setiap jengkal tanah Palestina, yang disana ada hak manusia”

Makan malam yang terlihat syahdu agaknya sedikit lebih tegang. Khawatir para kombatan itu kembali ke barak mengangkat senjata, panitia dari MP terlihat sibuk mencari cara agar mereka tidak meninggalkan meja Gala Dinner.

Saat itu sajian makan malam ludes dalam sekejap. Mungkin rasa lapar kian panas sangking serunya perdebatan.

Panitia tak kehabisan akal, mempunyai firasat; jika ingin perdebatan itu berkahir maka kenyangkanlah perut mereka, atau buatlah mereka menderita. Dua pilihan paradoksal itu kian menggelayut.

Akhirnya MP memutuskan membuat mereka kenyang dengan makanan penutup; “kue lapis macan yang diberi sianida,” mengandung tetesan zat berjenis sama penyebab kematian Munir, mungkin Sultan HB IV, dan Mirna Shalihin.

Panitia berpikir, perdebatan tentang janggut hanya akan membuat perkara tambah parah, dan hanya bisa dihentikan dengan racun.

Alasannya jangan sampai Gala Dinner untuk memperingati perdamaian dunia itu dilumuri dengan gencatan senjata.

Akhirnya semua kombatan yang ada di meja Dinner itu terkulai lemas secara perlahan, dan tak lama kemudian nyawa telah tiada.

Namun cerita belum selesai, reuni mereka masih berlanjut, kala mereka dipertemukan di surga berikutnya.

Kali ini bukan di meja bundar Gala Diner, namun di taman firdaus yang dijanjikan tuhan.

Untuk kesempatan keduakalinya mereka bertemu dan saling menyadari, bahwa mereka telah diracun oleh MP, dan perjuangan mereka ternyata mirip, analisa mereka pun kini sama.

Mereka akhirnya sepakat, yang paling penting dari perdebatan itu semua ialah
membebaskan proletariat, penindasan serta kekejaman tirani.

Sekarang, tak ada lagi perdebatan. Semuanya mantap, malah mereka punya kredo baru untuk menebus kelalaian yang dulu, dan kredo itu berbunyi; “Bersatulah Janggut Proletar Seluruh Dunia!”

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